Journey Thru Grief
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First Year

What to Expect

Since I have only completed my first year thru grief, I cannot tell you what is beyond. What I can tell is that this has been a year of roller coaster type emotions. I can be down one moment and up the next. As time goes on, the roller coaster seems to level out more and the ups and downs become less frequent.

What I Have Learned About Myself

Inner Strength

From my own personal perspective, I have found an inner strength that I did not know even existed. As I try to maintain some sort of resemblance of a "normal" life, I have found that I really can tackle the everyday problems without my dearly beloved husband by facing each day as it comes. I am still not able to think of tomorrow when I haven't completed today. When things start to become overwhelming, I've learned that I really do need to turn them over to God and stay in the moment of today. Funny, the things I was so afraid of, when I turn them over to God, they do seem to have a way of working themselves out, always for the best, even if I really don't like the outcome. There truly is a bigger picture that we don't understand but in time we will.

Peace and Contentment

I have always felt peace and contentment with my husband's passing even if it was sudden and unexpected. I never realized until his death, that I truly was and still am, happy with life. I miss him terribly and know that some day the sorrow will be replaced with joy. However, deep in my heart, I know he still loves me. He has now shown me that our unconditional love for each other is really the eternal love that we had promised each other. As each day passes, I only feel an even deeper love for him. This deeper love has built a foundation which now allows me to recognize and feel a deeper love for all of mankind and God. It is as if a whole new world has opened for me and I feel the warmth of the love. Some times, I feel as if I'm a rose that is just beginning to blossom.


After my son's death, I suffered a "survivor's guilt". I never realized until this past year, how much I have learned to forgive. Not only have I learned to forgive others, but I have learned to forgive myself, one of the hardest tasks of learning in this life. There has been nothing in my life that was not predestined. I have been very blessed and it seems to be that I have always been at the right place at the right time. Not all the paths I have choosen were good choices but each path has lead to a learning opportunity. Some are just harder than others but I would not have chosen differently.

Unconditional Love

This is a term I had never heard of until my husband passed away. But as I reflect over our years together, I now realize that this was the basis of our love for each other. This is something that we tried very hard to reflect in raising each other's children. This truly is legacy to them. I have learned that I can sit back and continue to be supportive of others and just love them unconditionally. I pray each day that I am not judgemental for I really don't live in another person's shoes. Our life here is really an illusion. We make it what we want and no two people live the same illusion. I only have a certain amount of control over my own life and definitely no control over others.


All of my adult life, I have questioned what really is Spirituality. I have learned it is beyond our religious teachings. We are all spiritual beings. This is were we put it all together. This is our soul growth. I have learned that all the lessons of my lifetime, is part of my spirituality. I have times where I grow more rapidly than other times. I have a deeper connection to myself as I have learned to go inward for my answers. I no longer question the "whys" but have a deeper sense of acceptance.